We have a bit of a story to tell. When I think of it, we've got a long - even life-long - story of God's goodness and faithfulness, of looking back and seeing the fingerprints of the Father on our lives, shaping, directing and calling.
But this particular piece of the puzzle is an especially exciting one. We thought we'd share it for a few reasons. For those who share a relationship with God similar to ours, you may find it encouraging as you follow the voice of God in your life. For those who are more distant from or skeptical about God, Christianity and matters spiritual, you may find it gives you cause to pause for thought, and reason to linger on the question: might there be some truth behind this "Jesus" after all? Aside from anything else, for those who know us, and despite it all, retain some affection for us, you may simply enjoy hearing our news and celebrating with us.
We've been married for two months short of five years now. I personally remain a great fan of marriage, and am daily more convinced that by the grace of God (or a glitch in the matrix) I have married well above my station. I am every day amazed, entranced and delighted by my breathtakingly beautiful wife, who also happens to be my best friend (sorry, lads) and my most perfect team-mate as we tackle all of life's peaks and troughs together.
Eventually, as I learned from an informative video in primary school, the time comes where "when a man and a woman love each other very much" they engage in certain leisure pursuits which result in a baby (with or without delivery by stork, depending on the squeamishness of your upbringing). About 18 months ago, Roxy and I began to wonder if that time had come.
Big decision, right?
How do you know you're ready? Do you ever?
We both know and love Jesus, so we thought we'd ask him. It wasn't so much "when you wish upon a star", squeezing our eyes shut and searching for a sign - more "God, you know how much of a moron I am... What do you think?"
We went about our business, thinking, praying, wondering.
What followed was an extraordinary series of events, which we took to be undeniable evidence of God leading and guiding us, reassuring us that he was with us, and that he had our lives and our plans in his hands.
Some days after we had that conversation about now possibly being "the time", I found a note on my iPad. It was a note I had made the previous January when Roxy and I had taken some time to reflect on the preceding year, and pray about the year to come. We had forgotten that at that time we had felt that in one year, we may start "not trying not to" have kids. One year later was now.
That was reassuring, the idea that our current plans were in line with what we had foreseen a year ago. But, being a lawyer and needing as much evidence as possible, I continued to ask God to lead clearly. He did.
He answered in subtle ways - feelings and nudges, impressions and a weight of peace.
Then he started to get even clearer.
We had talked about names, and had two in mind, a boy's name and a girl's name (disclaimer: the names currently in mind may not be the same ones, but we've checked that with the almighty and he's cool with it). I was working a couple of weeks in Aberdeen. Roxy got on the train to see me, and the plan was to make a final decision that weekend. Two people sat next to her, and through a bizarre series of events (including walking in on tipsy fellow passenger on the Scotrail bog...) they all got talking, and as seems to be Roxy's gift, they went deep pretty fast. They had a profound conversation and felt the presence of God moving. The lady sitting with Roxy then revealed she had a daughter with the same name as we'd talked about. The guy across the table commented that he had the boy's name.
So far, so coincidental, right?
A few days later we were getting a taxi home after going to a gig with my family. I'm genuinely open to the possibility that our taxi driver was an angel. Hear me out. Remember how Paul said many have entertained angels without knowing it? Well there is a chance that Gabriel, Michael or one of the others took on the form of a foul-mouthed Glaswegian taxi driver that night. Without prompting, as soon as we sat down, he launched into a spectacular series of observations on life, love, and his two bemused passengers. Without us saying a word (we didn't have the chance) he went through all of the reasons we should have kids now, without waiting for employment or financial security and without reservation as to the possible toll on our relationship. He said the most profound things, and addressed every remaining objection in my mind. I was shell-shocked. We got to our street, paid the fare, and he waved us off with the semi-biblical exhortation: "you're a lovely couple, now go forth and multiply - and practice tonight!"
The next day I was speaking at the evening service at church. It was a great evening where God was really moving, and at the end of my sermon a friend of ours (who had only become a Christian a few months earlier) saw a picture - like a vision from God - over me. She was confused because what she saw was so odd. She decided to ask Roxy why she was seeing such bizarre things in her mind's eye. Roxy's response was to burst out laughing. Our friend had seen a vision of an embryo - a baby being given to us as a blessing. Things were becoming undeniable.
A week or two later I was again due to speak on Sunday, this time at the morning service. I felt a tug to go and pray with a particular guy in church just before the service. He felt God talking to him in that moment, and started telling me what he felt God was saying. As we finished praying, he then said there was something else. "I don't usually do this... But I see kids in the future for you, and pretty soon". In all the circumstances of the last couple of weeks, I can't say I was shocked.
A month or so later, one of the other churches in the city was using our building for a leadership training session, and our pastor suggested we piggy back along and see what we could learn. We had lunch with the guy leading the session, and God started speaking to him. This was the first time we'd ever met, and indeed the first time anyone we knew had ever met him. He told us what he thought God was saying... And what do you know? It was all about us having kids.
By this point I started to suspect the Good Lord was trying to say something to us.
I won't go into detail (!) but we obeyed the voice of God.
But, as so many people have found out through tears and disappointment, biology doesn't always play ball when it comes to our plans and timings. A year went by. Nothing. Now, I know many people have struggled to conceive for far longer so we weren't feeling sorry for ourselves. But, at the same time... God did speak, didn't he? I mean, if THAT wasn't God's voice, I couldn't ever be sure of hearing his voice. It had been so clear. We kept praying, trusting, knowing what we'd heard from Him, and knowing that he always always does what he promises.
Into that place of tested faith and slightly strained hope, God spoke again. This time, one of my closest friends, who knew a little bit of the background, felt God speaking to him. He felt God saying he was pleased with us. He felt God saying that he definitely was going to do what he promised, and not to worry. And he felt God wanted to remind us that his timing was perfect. And the best part... The part that I always laugh to remember... The part that reminds me that, far from the stuffy religious images of a blond-highlighted guy in a white dressing-gown holding a lamb, Jesus is in fact (in the holiest sense) a total lad. God said, with a cosmic wink, that he'd told us to start early just because he "wanted us to have a bit of fun". For so many reasons, I love Jesus.
And timing?
God waited until Roxy had a permanent job with the right to maternity pay. God waited until I had taken the leap to leave my job and take a cut in pay and security to go and do something else, because he knew I would have struggled to make that decision with the weight of the responsibility of fatherhood, and would have ended up staying in a job that wasn't right for me. God waited until our hearts were right, and our marriage was ready.
And, as if to remind us that he always will be and always has been on our side, doing everything - even dying on a cross - out of love for us... we found out on Easter weekend that we're pregnant.
God has said so many more things to us about our future, about our family, and about our baby - things that, like Mary at the start of the gospel story, we are treasuring in our hearts. There is much more to come. But we will always remember this particular season of our lives for the lessons God taught us, for the gracious way in which he allowed us to hear his voice so clearly, and most of all, for the blessing of the bump in my beautiful wife's belly.
The thing that sets Jesus apart from every other great historical, philosophical or religious leader is that he's still alive. He speaks. He cares. He loves. And we know it now, more than ever.
No matter what your story is, and no matter whether you are living right now with blessedness, brokenness, or (like most of us) a very human mixture of the two, Jesus cares about and loves you as much as he does Roxy and I - and let me tell you, he loves us an absolute shed load. He longs to speak into your life as much as he has spoken into ours. He longs to lead you closer to him, and onwards into a greater and more expansive vision of your future than you could ever dream up yourself.
All he asks is: "trust me".
We'd recommend you do.
